Friday, June 24, 2005
Don't play God with the microwave
You put your sad looking Tupperware full of last night's hamburger helper into the microwave for lunch. You put in two minutes confidently, distracted by the nagging feeling that you truly are white trash. But almost the instant you press the "Start" button with your grubby index finger...the Fear sets in.
The Fear That Your Food Will Explode in the Microwave.
Suddenly, two minutes seems like an eternity, and you curse the cavalier manner in which you punched in those numbers...so arrogantly...so foolishly.
What are you going to do? What are you going to DO??
Ok. Ok! You'll just let it go to one minute...that's all. Nothing could possibly explode in a minute, right?
You eye the clock anxiously, beads of sweat forming on your upper lip. Oh God. What if one minute IS too long?
No. NO! You won't let this hellish contraption of radiation and risk intimidate you. You can last a minute!!
But then you hear the faint hissing sounds from your food. Small pops and sizzles, signalling the slow detonation of your hamburger hiroshima bomb. It’s happening. It could blow at any second!!! 1:18...1:17...1:16...the hissing is growing louder. You are certain your food is doomed. The thought of scraping gooified ground meat from the inside of microwave turns your stomach. 1:12...1:11...1:10...
NO MORE!! YOU CAN'T TAKE IT!!! With a guttural shriek you throw open the microwave door and yank out your food at 1 minute and 7 seconds.
Oh thank God. It's completely unharmed.
You cast a smug look back at the microwave, leaving the door open as a cruel gesture of dominance.
Greedily, you shovel a forkful of greasy hamburger into your face.
The food is lukewarm.
Damn.
The Fear That Your Food Will Explode in the Microwave.
Suddenly, two minutes seems like an eternity, and you curse the cavalier manner in which you punched in those numbers...so arrogantly...so foolishly.
What are you going to do? What are you going to DO??
Ok. Ok! You'll just let it go to one minute...that's all. Nothing could possibly explode in a minute, right?
You eye the clock anxiously, beads of sweat forming on your upper lip. Oh God. What if one minute IS too long?
No. NO! You won't let this hellish contraption of radiation and risk intimidate you. You can last a minute!!
But then you hear the faint hissing sounds from your food. Small pops and sizzles, signalling the slow detonation of your hamburger hiroshima bomb. It’s happening. It could blow at any second!!! 1:18...1:17...1:16...the hissing is growing louder. You are certain your food is doomed. The thought of scraping gooified ground meat from the inside of microwave turns your stomach. 1:12...1:11...1:10...
NO MORE!! YOU CAN'T TAKE IT!!! With a guttural shriek you throw open the microwave door and yank out your food at 1 minute and 7 seconds.
Oh thank God. It's completely unharmed.
You cast a smug look back at the microwave, leaving the door open as a cruel gesture of dominance.
Greedily, you shovel a forkful of greasy hamburger into your face.
The food is lukewarm.
Damn.
# posted by yellow_mustard_girl : 12:57 PM
