Tuesday, June 21, 2005
my bus is going to kill me
Actual conversation with my 1970 Volkswagon bus:
Me: "Hey Bat-mo-bus...that's my nickname for you, by the way. Isn't that clever?"
Bus:
Me: "I guess I'll take that silence as a resounding yes."
Bus:
Me: "Anyway, guess what your drunk ass hippie former owner did? He wrote a bad check for your title transfer LAST year and just NOW the DMV is realizing this and telling me I'M the one that has to pay the $160 bad check fee."
Bus:
Me: "Do you understand how ludicrous that is??!"
Bus:
Me: "Of course you don't. This is all par for the course with you, isn't it? First you get your damn gas cap stolen. Way to watch out for yourself there. Then you let your gas get siphoned out by some homeless idiot.
Passing homeless man: "Fuck you!"
Me: "And THEN your 'brand new' battery dies in the parking lot of a meditteranean restaurant and Mario the cook had to give me a freaking jump. "
Bus:
Me: "Damn it! Listen to me when I'm yelling at you!! And THEN, to add insult to injury, when I finally fix you and drive you, you turn out to be a finicky son of a beach! You don't stay in gear, you have NO power steering or brakes, forcing me to use all of my feeble strength just to point you in the right direction. Oh! And your turn signal doesn't shut off automatically!!! What the hell?!?! You were supposed to be my fun, happy, light-hearted love bus!! You're nothing but pure German EVIL!!!"
Bus:
Me: "DAMN YOU AND YOUR INSOLENT SILENCE!!!!!!
I then proceed to beat the exterior of the bus with my bare fists and scraps of wood I find on the floor of the garage before I eventually fall, weeping, to the pavement
Passing homeless man: "Fuck you!!"
Yeah. My bus has not amounted to what I thought it would be. I guess I should have realized what I was dealing with when the guy that sold it to me told me he was drunk during the test drive....and one of the features he pointed out was a place to stash a pound of weed if I wanted to cross the border.
I can't believe I'm going to end up selling this thing. And I'll probably end up buying a Toyota. Oh damn you Baron Von Volkswagon and your hideous invention!!! Damn you to hell!
Me: "Hey Bat-mo-bus...that's my nickname for you, by the way. Isn't that clever?"
Bus:
Me: "I guess I'll take that silence as a resounding yes."
Bus:
Me: "Anyway, guess what your drunk ass hippie former owner did? He wrote a bad check for your title transfer LAST year and just NOW the DMV is realizing this and telling me I'M the one that has to pay the $160 bad check fee."
Bus:
Me: "Do you understand how ludicrous that is??!"
Bus:
Me: "Of course you don't. This is all par for the course with you, isn't it? First you get your damn gas cap stolen. Way to watch out for yourself there. Then you let your gas get siphoned out by some homeless idiot.
Passing homeless man: "Fuck you!"
Me: "And THEN your 'brand new' battery dies in the parking lot of a meditteranean restaurant and Mario the cook had to give me a freaking jump. "
Bus:
Me: "Damn it! Listen to me when I'm yelling at you!! And THEN, to add insult to injury, when I finally fix you and drive you, you turn out to be a finicky son of a beach! You don't stay in gear, you have NO power steering or brakes, forcing me to use all of my feeble strength just to point you in the right direction. Oh! And your turn signal doesn't shut off automatically!!! What the hell?!?! You were supposed to be my fun, happy, light-hearted love bus!! You're nothing but pure German EVIL!!!"
Bus:
Me: "DAMN YOU AND YOUR INSOLENT SILENCE!!!!!!
I then proceed to beat the exterior of the bus with my bare fists and scraps of wood I find on the floor of the garage before I eventually fall, weeping, to the pavement
Passing homeless man: "Fuck you!!"
Yeah. My bus has not amounted to what I thought it would be. I guess I should have realized what I was dealing with when the guy that sold it to me told me he was drunk during the test drive....and one of the features he pointed out was a place to stash a pound of weed if I wanted to cross the border.
I can't believe I'm going to end up selling this thing. And I'll probably end up buying a Toyota. Oh damn you Baron Von Volkswagon and your hideous invention!!! Damn you to hell!
# posted by yellow_mustard_girl : 5:58 PM
