Wednesday, September 21, 2005
like being in middle school again
So, I submitted my blog to a big site that advertises your blog and lets people search your posts based on subject matter. I put mine under, "Comedy/Humor". They didn't have a category for "long, pointless rants".
The only problem is, they check for profanity in your blog, and if they think you have too much, they'll reject you!!!! (They also check to make sure your blog is written in English. Don't worry, I deleted that post I wrote entirely in Portuguese. You know, the one I wrote after I drank the juice from an expired bottle of martini olives and blacked out?)
Anyway, I'm worried, because I do .... on occasion...tend to dabble with "blue language". Actually, my last post had nine swear words in it...but they were in the form of a poem, so doesn't that sort of cancel them out? Hopefully the blog-auditor people will not use that one post as a representative of my entire blog. Even though I may curse, I'm really as sweet at sugar and sunshine!! Ask any of the old people I read to down at the nursing home. Well, don't ask that one lady with the eyepatch. She accused me of cheating at dominoes and I had to throw down...so now she has a slightly skewed view of my personality. (Literally!! a skewed view!! hahahahha, its fun to mock the afflicted.)
I guess my point in all of these sentences I threw together is....don't judge my blog by a few silly little cuss words. I think finding swear words offensive is so objective. What if I, conscientious citizen, really truly hate the sound of the word "tuba" or "hoodwink" or "Jessica Simpson"? Would I have the right to ask that those words be BANNED from most writing because it bugged me? (Actually, pending the 1,000th signature of my petition, Jessica Simpson WILL be forever banned from the english language).
But really, my apprehension over the swear words is really masking a deeper fear. I'm afraid the blogger people will accept my blog into their little family...but that once it's released into a greater audience...no one will care. Or worse yet, no one will think its funny. So far, I've had nothing but positive feedback about my blog and that makes me feel very happy. So happy I no longer need the highball of scotch every morning to feel better about myself. But the thing is, the only people that seem to have read this thing are my friends. And their views don't count. I've bought all of my friendships through blackmail, threats and good old-fashioned mail order catalogs. It's the opinions of strangers and non-friends that matter to me. And isn't that odd? I hate most people, regardless of race or creed, yet I really really want them to think I'm funny, to have their approval. I feel like I'm in 7th grade all over again.
(Literally. I've heard of late-bloomers, but I think this whole, "not reaching puberty" thing I have is rooted in a serious medical problem).
It's funny, because you think you have a thick skin, and then you put time and effort into something you really care about and suddenly you're absolutely terrified about any criticsm. I guess this is what it will feel like to give birth to an ugly child. But at least you can throw a sack over an ugly kid or give him to the circus...when you write something, you can't really take it back. It's there forever...etched into the very fabric of human history.
What's that? Delete button? Ohhhh riiiight. I forgot about that. Ok, scratch everything I just said. If anyone says that this post sucks and isn't funny, I'll just stand by my convictions, hold my head high and say I've never written anything in my entire life; it must have been the old lady with the eye patch from the nursing home!!!!
(Don't you like how I tied up a scattered collection of non-linear thoughts with a quick conclusion and a reference to a previous sentence?! I may not have made any kind of coherent point, but I brought the post full-circle dammit. Oops!! I mean dag-nab-it.)
The only problem is, they check for profanity in your blog, and if they think you have too much, they'll reject you!!!! (They also check to make sure your blog is written in English. Don't worry, I deleted that post I wrote entirely in Portuguese. You know, the one I wrote after I drank the juice from an expired bottle of martini olives and blacked out?)
Anyway, I'm worried, because I do .... on occasion...tend to dabble with "blue language". Actually, my last post had nine swear words in it...but they were in the form of a poem, so doesn't that sort of cancel them out? Hopefully the blog-auditor people will not use that one post as a representative of my entire blog. Even though I may curse, I'm really as sweet at sugar and sunshine!! Ask any of the old people I read to down at the nursing home. Well, don't ask that one lady with the eyepatch. She accused me of cheating at dominoes and I had to throw down...so now she has a slightly skewed view of my personality. (Literally!! a skewed view!! hahahahha, its fun to mock the afflicted.)
I guess my point in all of these sentences I threw together is....don't judge my blog by a few silly little cuss words. I think finding swear words offensive is so objective. What if I, conscientious citizen, really truly hate the sound of the word "tuba" or "hoodwink" or "Jessica Simpson"? Would I have the right to ask that those words be BANNED from most writing because it bugged me? (Actually, pending the 1,000th signature of my petition, Jessica Simpson WILL be forever banned from the english language).
But really, my apprehension over the swear words is really masking a deeper fear. I'm afraid the blogger people will accept my blog into their little family...but that once it's released into a greater audience...no one will care. Or worse yet, no one will think its funny. So far, I've had nothing but positive feedback about my blog and that makes me feel very happy. So happy I no longer need the highball of scotch every morning to feel better about myself. But the thing is, the only people that seem to have read this thing are my friends. And their views don't count. I've bought all of my friendships through blackmail, threats and good old-fashioned mail order catalogs. It's the opinions of strangers and non-friends that matter to me. And isn't that odd? I hate most people, regardless of race or creed, yet I really really want them to think I'm funny, to have their approval. I feel like I'm in 7th grade all over again.
(Literally. I've heard of late-bloomers, but I think this whole, "not reaching puberty" thing I have is rooted in a serious medical problem).
It's funny, because you think you have a thick skin, and then you put time and effort into something you really care about and suddenly you're absolutely terrified about any criticsm. I guess this is what it will feel like to give birth to an ugly child. But at least you can throw a sack over an ugly kid or give him to the circus...when you write something, you can't really take it back. It's there forever...etched into the very fabric of human history.
What's that? Delete button? Ohhhh riiiight. I forgot about that. Ok, scratch everything I just said. If anyone says that this post sucks and isn't funny, I'll just stand by my convictions, hold my head high and say I've never written anything in my entire life; it must have been the old lady with the eye patch from the nursing home!!!!
(Don't you like how I tied up a scattered collection of non-linear thoughts with a quick conclusion and a reference to a previous sentence?! I may not have made any kind of coherent point, but I brought the post full-circle dammit. Oops!! I mean dag-nab-it.)
# posted by yellow_mustard_girl : 5:09 PM
