Friday, June 30, 2006
darwin, you smug sonofabitch
Today I reached a new low:
My phone in my "office" is not working, so I went to my boss's (boss'? bossesses???) office to get the user manual for the phone. I had just spent the better part of yesterday compiling this phone manual, so the irony was not lost on me.
Anyway, I'm explaining to my boss that I'm having trouble with the phone....
Bosslady: You know, there was someone in here yesterday that did just a FANTASTIC job of explaining how the phones work...
Me: Oh really?
Bosslady: Yes, they figured everything out --
Me: Was it the Dr. of Dial Tone????
Bosslady: (begins to giggle)No, it was someone named Bai*
Me: Really?? Wow, what a coincidence, another person named Bai??? Can they come back and--- oh. Bai. That's me.
Bosslady: (convulses uncontrollably with laughter)
fin.
I think it's pretty clear from incidents like these that evolution is trying to tell me something. I think it's something like:
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, YOU CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO PROCREATE. THE PLANET CAN BARELY SUPPORT THE CRUSHING WEIGHT OF YOUR IDIOCY AS IT IS. SERIOUSLY. DO NOT SPAWN. TO BE HONEST, THE FACT THAT YOU'VE SURVIVED THIS LONG IS REALLY ASTOUNDING. HOWEVER, WE ARE FAIRLY CONFIDENT THAT DARWINISM WILL CATCH UP WITH YOU, POSSIBLY IN THE FORM OF AN ACCIDENT INVOLVING SAFETY SCISSORS.
Yes, evolution uses all caps. And tends to ramble.
With that, I'm off to enjoy my 4th of July weekend! I'm going to see how many lit sparklers I can hold in my mouth at one time. Should be fun!!!
*Names have been changed to protect the incompetent.
My phone in my "office" is not working, so I went to my boss's (boss'? bossesses???) office to get the user manual for the phone. I had just spent the better part of yesterday compiling this phone manual, so the irony was not lost on me.
Anyway, I'm explaining to my boss that I'm having trouble with the phone....
Bosslady: You know, there was someone in here yesterday that did just a FANTASTIC job of explaining how the phones work...
Me: Oh really?
Bosslady: Yes, they figured everything out --
Me: Was it the Dr. of Dial Tone????
Bosslady: (begins to giggle)
Me: Really?? Wow, what a coincidence, another person named Bai??? Can they come back and--- oh. Bai. That's me.
Bosslady: (convulses uncontrollably with laughter)
fin.
I think it's pretty clear from incidents like these that evolution is trying to tell me something. I think it's something like:
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, YOU CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO PROCREATE. THE PLANET CAN BARELY SUPPORT THE CRUSHING WEIGHT OF YOUR IDIOCY AS IT IS. SERIOUSLY. DO NOT SPAWN. TO BE HONEST, THE FACT THAT YOU'VE SURVIVED THIS LONG IS REALLY ASTOUNDING. HOWEVER, WE ARE FAIRLY CONFIDENT THAT DARWINISM WILL CATCH UP WITH YOU, POSSIBLY IN THE FORM OF AN ACCIDENT INVOLVING SAFETY SCISSORS.
Yes, evolution uses all caps. And tends to ramble.
With that, I'm off to enjoy my 4th of July weekend! I'm going to see how many lit sparklers I can hold in my mouth at one time. Should be fun!!!
*Names have been changed to protect the incompetent.
# posted by yellow_mustard_girl : 9:22 AM
