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Monday, July 17, 2006

23.99999

Some thoughts on turning 24:

1. Woohoo!!
2. Wait, doesn't this mean I'm old?
3. I don't feel old.
4. Well, actually, my back kind of hurts.
5. Gasp!!
6. Well, at least I'm not old old.
7. Like 25.
8. Just kidding!
9. Not really.
10. So what is there to look forward to when you're 24?
11. Nothing.
12. I still can't rent a car.
13. And I still look young enough to get carded for buying like, cough syrup.
14. So, really, this is just a blow-off birthday.
15. Which means I can be happy!!
16. Cause it's an excuse to play skee-ball and get presents!!
17. And eat ice cream cake!!
18. Mmmm, fudgey center and chocolate crumblies.
19. Woohoo!!!
20. Look, I've come full circle! Also, now my list ends at a nice, even number. My OCD is appeased.


Sooo. Tomorrow I am the big two-four. Yikes. I'm not so much freaked out by turning a year older as I am by the fact that another year has already passed. Already!!! I feel like it was just yesterday when I was pummeling the heck out of my birthday pinata and stuffing it's contents into my pockets. (This is a true story.) Time sure seems to have flown. That or my senility is furthering it's icy grip on my brain.

Ten years ago...I was a wee lass, freshly turned fourteen years old. I still remember that day so clearly. I broke open my cocoon with my fuzzy proboscis and squirmed my way into the world, the sun gently drying my embryonic exoskeleton until it shone. I could hardly wait to unfurl my wings from under their armor-like shells and buzz off to find a male to mate with and possibly feast upon for sustenance.

Wait.

That didn't happen on my fourteenth birthday. That was an episode of Nova I watched last night on PBS. Damn PBS!! When will your entertaining yet educational programming stop appropriating my subconscious thought?!?!

So anyway.

Ten years ago
I was an akward fourteen year old freshman dork in the marching band, dating a guy named Mario Siciliano. As you can tell from the name, he was Japanese.
When I think back to what a silly obnoxious little geek I was, I want to go back in time and give Young Me a hug. I'd tell her, "Don't worry...you will get slightly less irritating". Then I'd trick Young Me into giving Current Me 20 bucks for "bus fare". Sucker.

Five years ago
I was 19, just finished my freshman year of college. I felt like I owned the world. I was a dating a very nice guy and I had 700 MP3's that I had gleefully pirated from Napster. Life was good. Unfortunately, this was also when I started waitressing at Pizza Hut. That summer, I was introduced to a breed of people I had never encountered before: The irate and obese white trash family. They were like locusts; they descended upon the lunchtime pizza bar with a fury that was almost mesmerizing. And nauseating. By the end of the summer, it was all I could do not to shriek:
"WHY are you even bothering to ask for the "salad bar"??? We both know that to qualify as a salad, you need to have at least some freaking LETTUCE!! Why don't you just ask if you can glop a pile of bacon bits, cheddar cheese and ranch dressing on a plate and shovel it into your mouth?? Oh, and don't worry, your deep fried mozzarella sticks will be out here well before we serve your stuffed crust pizza with triple cheese and meat. And the extra containers of grease and oven drippings. Shall I bring out the defibulator now, or after your left arm goes numb???"
(Note the use of red, to indicate rage).
It was during these three months I came to know the true meaning of the word "jaded".
Wait, actually, I worked at Dairy Queen the year before that, so I guess I was really quite used to having my spirit broken by disgust.

One year ago
I was engaged, so still ankle deep in wedding planning (shudder), we hadn't bought Herve yet, so I had yet to discover the joys of pulling dog hair out of my mouth every 5 minutes. I was still working as a project manager ... wait..sorry... I almost threw up in my mouth a little. Ok I'm better. I don't remember much else to be honest. It was blurry year. but I do clearly remember my birthday party, where my awesome boyfriend gave me a pinata, which I had ALWAYS wanted. He filled it with candy and army men and bouncy balls and I whacked the heck out of that paper mache donkey. It. was. awesome. And happily, I still get to relive that party to this day; I am still finding chunks of ancient Now and Laters in every crevice of our apartment.
So what will this year hold for me? I'm not sure, but given my past record, there will be a lot of sleeping, eating, and going to work. As for the other fluff, I guess only time will tell.

But I will worry about all that later. Tonight I am going to play skeeball. Mazel Tov!!

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