Wednesday, August 09, 2006
misadventures in baking
So I love to bake cupcakes. We all know this. It's like my own form of therapy. Therapy that will probably result in the loss of a foot from Type 2 diabetes. And I think I'm pretty good at baking them. As I understand more about the actual science behind baking (gluten strands, egg proteins, magical yeast elves) my cupcakes are improving. And thus far, I have never really had a failure. Until now. I baked a batch of delicious vanilla butter cream cupcakes for work a few weeks ago and they were a hit. I thought I'd take it up a notch and really impress everyone with some exotic new recipe. I am a BIG fan of chockylit's website (I need to add her to my link list) and I found this recipe recently. I don't know what possessed me to think that this was an easy recipe. Maybe it was the pictures. I like pretty pictures. I think my actual thought process was something like...
Recipe: Make batch of butter cream cupcakes.
My brain: Easy! I could do that with my eyes closed. If I didn't mind losing a few fingers to the electric mixer. But I don't want to be called "Stumpy." Not again.
Recipe: Make 3 different types of citrus curd...
My brain: Hm. I've never made any type of curd, let alone one with citrus. Citrus is fruit, right? Anyway, curd only has four letters, how hard could it be? Toast has five letters, so curd must be a snap!
Recipe: ...using a double boiler...
My brain: What the f is a double boiler? I don't have one of those. You know, I bet if I just balance this enormous metal bowl over top of this tiny pot, it will work just fine.
Recipe: ...whisk continuously for 8-12 minutes...
My brain: If I whisk REALLY fast, I can cut that down to 4 minutes! Ah shortcuts, the salvation of modern man.
Recipe: ...using a paring knife, cut small cones out of each cupcake to create a crevice for the curd filling.
My brain: There's that curd word again. Do I own a paring knife? I'm sure this giant, serrated bread knife will do the trick.
Recipe: Using a frosting bag filled with curd, squeeze out a teaspoon of filling into each cupcake crevice, replace with the cut out cupcake piece
My brain: I was supposed to save those cupcake bits?! I just ate them all! I'm sure I can force the remaining cupcake to close the gaping hole filled with custard I just made. I'll just use my bare hands...oops, I slipped!
Oh I could go on forever....Basically I took a complicated recipe, with steps I had never tried before and attempted to complete it in 4 hours. My curd never solidified (probably because I didn't follow ANY of the instructions properly. "Four egg yolks? Three should work, if I add extra sugar!") I got more filling on my shirt than in the frosting bag (did you know those things can squirt stuff out of BOTH ends??) and my butter cream frosting came out in this weird gelatinous goo that was seriously SO sweet, it made my eyes water. In short, they were the most spectacularly abnormal cupcakes in the history of baking. My husband made a good point, the end result wasn't bad...it's just that they came out more like the red-headed step-cousin of the original recipe. Similar...but wrong. Very, very wrong. Luckily my husband took them into work (Navy DOD). He said his co-workers are used to eating things not fit for human consumption.
So, I remain undaunted. Like the old adage goes, "The journey to 1,000 great cupcakes begins with the first hideous abomination." Actually, that isn't an old adage, I just made that up right now to justify my error. Oops.
Recipe: Make batch of butter cream cupcakes.
My brain: Easy! I could do that with my eyes closed. If I didn't mind losing a few fingers to the electric mixer. But I don't want to be called "Stumpy." Not again.
Recipe: Make 3 different types of citrus curd...
My brain: Hm. I've never made any type of curd, let alone one with citrus. Citrus is fruit, right? Anyway, curd only has four letters, how hard could it be? Toast has five letters, so curd must be a snap!
Recipe: ...using a double boiler...
My brain: What the f is a double boiler? I don't have one of those. You know, I bet if I just balance this enormous metal bowl over top of this tiny pot, it will work just fine.
Recipe: ...whisk continuously for 8-12 minutes...
My brain: If I whisk REALLY fast, I can cut that down to 4 minutes! Ah shortcuts, the salvation of modern man.
Recipe: ...using a paring knife, cut small cones out of each cupcake to create a crevice for the curd filling.
My brain: There's that curd word again. Do I own a paring knife? I'm sure this giant, serrated bread knife will do the trick.
Recipe: Using a frosting bag filled with curd, squeeze out a teaspoon of filling into each cupcake crevice, replace with the cut out cupcake piece
My brain: I was supposed to save those cupcake bits?! I just ate them all! I'm sure I can force the remaining cupcake to close the gaping hole filled with custard I just made. I'll just use my bare hands...oops, I slipped!
Oh I could go on forever....Basically I took a complicated recipe, with steps I had never tried before and attempted to complete it in 4 hours. My curd never solidified (probably because I didn't follow ANY of the instructions properly. "Four egg yolks? Three should work, if I add extra sugar!") I got more filling on my shirt than in the frosting bag (did you know those things can squirt stuff out of BOTH ends??) and my butter cream frosting came out in this weird gelatinous goo that was seriously SO sweet, it made my eyes water. In short, they were the most spectacularly abnormal cupcakes in the history of baking. My husband made a good point, the end result wasn't bad...it's just that they came out more like the red-headed step-cousin of the original recipe. Similar...but wrong. Very, very wrong. Luckily my husband took them into work (Navy DOD). He said his co-workers are used to eating things not fit for human consumption.
So, I remain undaunted. Like the old adage goes, "The journey to 1,000 great cupcakes begins with the first hideous abomination." Actually, that isn't an old adage, I just made that up right now to justify my error. Oops.
# posted by yellow_mustard_girl : 1:14 PM
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Hey Mustard Girl.
About seeing if people are reading your blog [on a comment on Helen Damnation], you can add free code to your site and tarck/count page hits.
I used to think no one read mine eaither, but then I got the trackers. Be careful though, they get addictive.
The ones I use are Sitemeter.com, and Activemeter.com [both free].
Let me know if you need help adding to your blog. You can email me off my profile for my site.
Lattes!
About seeing if people are reading your blog [on a comment on Helen Damnation], you can add free code to your site and tarck/count page hits.
I used to think no one read mine eaither, but then I got the trackers. Be careful though, they get addictive.
The ones I use are Sitemeter.com, and Activemeter.com [both free].
Let me know if you need help adding to your blog. You can email me off my profile for my site.
Lattes!
Woohoo, thanks big daddy! I've had this blog for awhile and I'm still completely inept about how to run it. I'd like to redo my format and all those cool things but uh, yeah don't know how. Anyway, I actually signed up for a tracker called MyBlogLog, but those jerks only gave me a free 3-day trial and now they want money! So i'm switching to one of those free sites you gave me.
Tai NOOOOOOOOO
Don't do it. It will shortfall your blogging. You'll start paying more attention to how many people go to your site and less to your writing. Soon you'll be writing or not writing at certain times just to maximize hits. You'll loose your spontaneousness. Then you'll rethink the stuff you've been waiting to post. Its a viscious cycle Tai, please. I'll lavish as much attention on you as you could possibly need.
Don't do it. It will shortfall your blogging. You'll start paying more attention to how many people go to your site and less to your writing. Soon you'll be writing or not writing at certain times just to maximize hits. You'll loose your spontaneousness. Then you'll rethink the stuff you've been waiting to post. Its a viscious cycle Tai, please. I'll lavish as much attention on you as you could possibly need.
Wow, Rory. You just brought me back from the ledge. I love you, man. Don't worry, I'll never lose my spunk. My ability to write well will deteriorate all on it's own.
Cupcakes...fuck.yeah. You don't really need two feet anyway. They make pretty awesome fake ones these days.
Mm, I love magical yeast elves!
I've only baked cupcakes once in my life. Like yours, they didn't come out exactly how I would've liked (I had no idea how to make frosting...uhhhmm), but they weren't that bad. I mean. They were edible, which was good enough for me. Low expectations are awesome!
I use statcounter for stats and while i do check it obsessively, I don't think it affects how much or when i blog. I'll post on days when I get the least visitors. "Eh, they'll read it eventually."
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I've only baked cupcakes once in my life. Like yours, they didn't come out exactly how I would've liked (I had no idea how to make frosting...uhhhmm), but they weren't that bad. I mean. They were edible, which was good enough for me. Low expectations are awesome!
I use statcounter for stats and while i do check it obsessively, I don't think it affects how much or when i blog. I'll post on days when I get the least visitors. "Eh, they'll read it eventually."
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