Friday, August 18, 2006
my life would make excellent fodder for a really boring WB sitcom
Seriously, what is UP with these titles, lately?? Now not only are they not funny but they aren't even loosely tied to the contents of my actual post. Whoever is coming up with this crap is a talentless douche rocket.
I don't consider myself obsessive. What's wrong with wanting to scrub your perpetually germ-ridden hands with bleach, one finger at a time, several times a day, while counting backwards from ten? Cleanliness is next to Godliness, you know. Which is right next to the shelf with the Tampons of Piety and the Raisin Bran of Charitable Acts.
But when it comes to important, life-effecting things, I do have a slight habit of obssessing. For instance, if I don't watch both the 7PM and 11PM airings of The Simpsons each weeknight, I feel despondant and incomplete.
I have to do a crossword puzzle at night before I go to sleep. And I can't fall asleep until I've completed at least one. If I go to sleep with an unfinished crossword, I have nightmares about papercuts and golf pencil stabbings. Ok, not stabbings. More like aggressive pokings.
And of course, I have to have at least one can of Henry's lentil soup in my house at all times. I don't know exactly where geographically Henry's is based out of. I just know they are here in San Diego and they weren't in Pittsburgh. And that the life I was leading before I found Henry's was a meaningless farce. Their lentil soup is thick, aromatic and filling. It's ready to serve and take about 2 minutes on high to prepare. PLUS a whole can is only 80 calories. !!! I'm sure there is some label printing glitch and the soup is actually 800 calories, but for now I'll keep the illusion. I freaking love that soup. I buy 10 cans at a time. And when the store are out of stock (which they usually are) I feel a sense of panic, as if the day has finally come and the soup has been discontinued and I am forced to wander the earth for the rest of my life, haunted by the smell of that delicious extinct soup.
So yeah, you could call me a soup fiend. But no one ever does. Not even when I grab them by the ears as they walk down the street and beg them to. My "Call Me The Soup Fiend" t-shirt isn't producing any results either. Where was I? Oh yes, Henry's lentil soup. *drool* I am seriously dreading the day when I move out of CA because where will I get my soup from!? I had a dream recently that I somehow won a lifetime supply of the soup, but I argued with the award presenter that they couldn't possibly know how much soup one person could consume in a lifetime. I dont' remember the rest of the dream but I probably didn't get any soup. Way to go, Subconscious Dream Me. Dropping the ball, yet again. I bet YOU are the one writing those awful post titles.
I don't consider myself obsessive. What's wrong with wanting to scrub your perpetually germ-ridden hands with bleach, one finger at a time, several times a day, while counting backwards from ten? Cleanliness is next to Godliness, you know. Which is right next to the shelf with the Tampons of Piety and the Raisin Bran of Charitable Acts.
But when it comes to important, life-effecting things, I do have a slight habit of obssessing. For instance, if I don't watch both the 7PM and 11PM airings of The Simpsons each weeknight, I feel despondant and incomplete.
I have to do a crossword puzzle at night before I go to sleep. And I can't fall asleep until I've completed at least one. If I go to sleep with an unfinished crossword, I have nightmares about papercuts and golf pencil stabbings. Ok, not stabbings. More like aggressive pokings.
And of course, I have to have at least one can of Henry's lentil soup in my house at all times. I don't know exactly where geographically Henry's is based out of. I just know they are here in San Diego and they weren't in Pittsburgh. And that the life I was leading before I found Henry's was a meaningless farce. Their lentil soup is thick, aromatic and filling. It's ready to serve and take about 2 minutes on high to prepare. PLUS a whole can is only 80 calories. !!! I'm sure there is some label printing glitch and the soup is actually 800 calories, but for now I'll keep the illusion. I freaking love that soup. I buy 10 cans at a time. And when the store are out of stock (which they usually are) I feel a sense of panic, as if the day has finally come and the soup has been discontinued and I am forced to wander the earth for the rest of my life, haunted by the smell of that delicious extinct soup.
So yeah, you could call me a soup fiend. But no one ever does. Not even when I grab them by the ears as they walk down the street and beg them to. My "Call Me The Soup Fiend" t-shirt isn't producing any results either. Where was I? Oh yes, Henry's lentil soup. *drool* I am seriously dreading the day when I move out of CA because where will I get my soup from!? I had a dream recently that I somehow won a lifetime supply of the soup, but I argued with the award presenter that they couldn't possibly know how much soup one person could consume in a lifetime. I dont' remember the rest of the dream but I probably didn't get any soup. Way to go, Subconscious Dream Me. Dropping the ball, yet again. I bet YOU are the one writing those awful post titles.
# posted by yellow_mustard_girl : 11:07 AM
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Heh...I love the part about the possibly misprinted label. I saw a nutritional guide at Chik-Fil-A once that claimed their chicken sandwiches (fried, not the chargrilled ones) had something like 200 calories and 3 grams of fat. It couldn't possibly be true, but I cling to them as "diet food" nevertheless. ;)
# posted by 
: 2:12 PM
: 2:12 PM
Right on Jess. In these uncertain and scary times, false hope is all we have to cling to. There was probably TEENY tiny print below the nutrion facts box that said "Calories for chicken breast only. Fried skin coating adds 5,000 calories. Per bite."
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