Yellow Mustard Blog

1.) I like yellow mustard on almost anything. Eggs, salads, french fries, tuna, etc. I have been known to hoard mustard packets or stand in front of the fridge and eat mustard off my finger.

2.) The first movie I ever watched was The Land Before Time (I was five and I cried when Littlefoot's mom died. In fact, it gets me choked up just thinking about it now.) Second movie I watched: Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I was also around 5 or 6 and I swear, that was a pivotal moment in the shaping of my personality. Instead of turning into a hot cheerleader with a bad attitude and a nice ass....I turned into a band geek with a taste for British humor. Oops.

3.) I have a complex about parking my car straight. No matter how late I am, I will spend minutes inching in and out of a spot in order to be exactly in the middle of the lines or to have my steering wheel perfectly straight.

4.) In 5th grade, I wanted to sing "I Will Always Love You" for the talent show but my mom (wisely) suggested I do a comedy stand up routine instead. I used some of my own material but I borrowed heavily from a Paula Poundstone video that we got with a box of Pop Tarts. I got an honorable mention award... but then again, so did the kid that covered himself in American flag stickers and sang half the national anthem before dissolving into tears.

5.) I am often mistaken for an Asian man. Not in person, I mean. In person I'm often mistaken for an albino man. What I mean is my first name is of Asian origin and rather genderless to boot, so a lot of people that read my name without seeing me often call me "Mr." on the phone. The funniest part is that I'm a pasty Polish/Slovakian with blonde hair and blue eyes, so people are usually extremely perplexed when they finally meet me in person. They are even more confused when I tell them that my mom wasn't influenced by anything Eastern when naming me. My name actually resulted from copious amounts of gonge and Captain Crunch.

6.) I have a propensity for head injuries. To date, I think I've racked up 6+ mild to moderate concussions. Of course, I never got them because I was doing something dangerous and cool. Most of my concussions happened while doing every day activities like ...opening a jar of pickles. I have been told that multiple head injuries can alter your personality but I haven't experienced any RAAAAAAAAAARRR HULK SMASH!!!

7.) I have mood-ring-esque eyes. My eyes can be anything from yellowish hazel to blue to green to swamp water to red laser beams. My mom often says my eyes are grey...but she also thinks her eyes are gray and they are dark brown. So she's clearly had a stroke or something to affect her color sensing ability.

8.) I have photosensitive hair. My hair is blonde and has been since I was 2 weeks old. If I'm out in the sun for even an hour, the top layer of my hair will bleach to almost white...but the layer underneath will be much darker. It's like a tan-line for my head. My hair will stay white for a little while, then fade again when I'm inside. At any given time my hair is three different colors.

9.) Minutes after getting engaged I was chased down a mountain in pitch black by a pack of coyotes. Ok, this is a slight exaggeration. My husband and I really did climb to the top of Iron Mountain and he did propose and I said yes and then before we got back down the mountain it was dark. The exaggeration is that we heard about 10 coyotes howling their heads off and they sounded like they were getting closer and closer...to the point where we started tearing down the hill, stopping only to pick up a few big rocks as weapons. Maybe the whole thing can be chalked up to auditory illusion and pure weenie-ness, but it's still a funny story.

10.) I hate getting complimented. My severe neurosis usually makes me not believe the compliment and my akwardness makes me seem insincere and ungrateful. I just don't like having people focus their attention on me. Which is rather ironic because I want everyone and their mom to read my blog. I think it's because the nicest thing anyone can say to me is that I'm funny. When someone says I'm really funny, I get giddier than Helen did when Robert Best sent her a message. I think my whole "desiring attention but maintaining anonymity" is one of the weirdest things about me. That and the third arm I have sprouting from my head.

# posted by yellow_mustard_girl : 3:25 PM