.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

Friday, September 01, 2006

10 Things You May Not Know About Yellow Mustard Girl

1.) I like yellow mustard on almost anything. Eggs, salads, french fries, tuna, etc. I have been known to hoard mustard packets or stand in front of the fridge and eat mustard off my finger.

2.) The first movie I ever watched was The Land Before Time (I was five and I cried when Littlefoot's mom died. In fact, it gets me choked up just thinking about it now.) Second movie I watched: Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I was also around 5 or 6 and I swear, that was a pivotal moment in the shaping of my personality. Instead of turning into a hot cheerleader with a bad attitude and a nice ass....I turned into a band geek with a taste for British humor. Oops.

3.) I have a complex about parking my car straight. No matter how late I am, I will spend minutes inching in and out of a spot in order to be exactly in the middle of the lines or to have my steering wheel perfectly straight.

4.) In 5th grade, I wanted to sing "I Will Always Love You" for the talent show but my mom (wisely) suggested I do a comedy stand up routine instead. I used some of my own material but I borrowed heavily from a Paula Poundstone video that we got with a box of Pop Tarts. I got an honorable mention award... but then again, so did the kid that covered himself in American flag stickers and sang half the national anthem before dissolving into tears.

5.) I am often mistaken for an Asian man. Not in person, I mean. In person I'm often mistaken for an albino man. What I mean is my first name is of Asian origin and rather genderless to boot, so a lot of people that read my name without seeing me often call me "Mr." on the phone. The funniest part is that I'm a pasty Polish/Slovakian with blonde hair and blue eyes, so people are usually extremely perplexed when they finally meet me in person. They are even more confused when I tell them that my mom wasn't influenced by anything Eastern when naming me. My name actually resulted from copious amounts of gonge and Captain Crunch.

6.) I have a propensity for head injuries. To date, I think I've racked up 6+ mild to moderate concussions. Of course, I never got them because I was doing something dangerous and cool. Most of my concussions happened while doing every day activities like ...opening a jar of pickles. I have been told that multiple head injuries can alter your personality but I haven't experienced any RAAAAAAAAAARRR HULK SMASH!!!

7.) I have mood-ring-esque eyes. My eyes can be anything from yellowish hazel to blue to green to swamp water to red laser beams. My mom often says my eyes are grey...but she also thinks her eyes are gray and they are dark brown. So she's clearly had a stroke or something to affect her color sensing ability.

8.) I have photosensitive hair. My hair is blonde and has been since I was 2 weeks old. If I'm out in the sun for even an hour, the top layer of my hair will bleach to almost white...but the layer underneath will be much darker. It's like a tan-line for my head. My hair will stay white for a little while, then fade again when I'm inside. At any given time my hair is three different colors.

9.) Minutes after getting engaged I was chased down a mountain in pitch black by a pack of coyotes. Ok, this is a slight exaggeration. My husband and I really did climb to the top of Iron Mountain and he did propose and I said yes and then before we got back down the mountain it was dark. The exaggeration is that we heard about 10 coyotes howling their heads off and they sounded like they were getting closer and closer...to the point where we started tearing down the hill, stopping only to pick up a few big rocks as weapons. Maybe the whole thing can be chalked up to auditory illusion and pure weenie-ness, but it's still a funny story.

10.) I hate getting complimented. My severe neurosis usually makes me not believe the compliment and my akwardness makes me seem insincere and ungrateful. I just don't like having people focus their attention on me. Which is rather ironic because I want everyone and their mom to read my blog. I think it's because the nicest thing anyone can say to me is that I'm funny. When someone says I'm really funny, I get giddier than Helen did when Robert Best sent her a message. I think my whole "desiring attention but maintaining anonymity" is one of the weirdest things about me. That and the third arm I have sprouting from my head.


Comments:
Littlefoot was definitely a brave dinosaur.

One of my proudest parenting moments was when I saw my son and his friend walking to middle school one day. I pulled the car alongside them, rolled down the window ... only to discover they were in the midst of a Monty Python routine. I knew my efforts at educating him properly were paying off!

Andrew
To Love, Honor and Dismay
 
Your son was quoting Monty Python by middle school? That is impressive...no wonder you are proud ;)

Instead of Baby Einstein, I plan on showing my baby DVDs of Flying Circus and episodes of Fawlty Towers.
 
you're almost as funny as me!

And by 'as funny as' I mean 'better looking than', and by 'almost' I mean 'way'. Let the awkwardness begin.
 
Wait...you're not an Asian dude?

*removes blog from blogroll*

;)
 
Wow, you and I, do have OCD. I feel compelled to comment to your posts in the same format.

1. Me loves yellow mustard, too. Especially with a cheeseburger, and for the fries. Ketchup is for non-gourmands.

When there was no other food in the house, me and my roomie, would often indulge in warm hot-dog buns with mustard, because we were to inebriated to go get food. She became a convert to the ways of the Moo-tard.

And, don't ever go to New York. All they have is brown mustard.

Everywhere.

On my last trip, I actually began to like brown mustard, because that was the only option for the sweet, sweet, tangy-ness, of my hankering for mustard seed.

2. Hmmmm, haven't seen either, but gotta' love them Brits, and their humor. Have you seen 'Little Britain'? Love it! Vicki's my favorite character.

3. As Joey Lawrence would say, 'Whoa'. That's whole new levels of OCD. Get some help, geesh. :)

4. I have to admit, Paula Poundstone was the 'poo'. Her, and Ellen Degeneres' stand-up used to crack me up with their non-chalant observations.

5. Shoot. Now I wish I knew you real name. Is a Polish/Slovakian, some sort of new twist on 'The Brazilian'?
I keed. I keed. :)

6. Hulk like pickles.>

Are you an Aries by any chance? We are supposed to be prone to facial/cranial mishaps. And how did a jar of pickles end in a facial/cranial contusion?

7. Again, are you Aries? I have freaked people out because they think my eye-color, is red/orange. Or some other color barely identified by Pantone. [Pantone is a semi-obscure reference. You'll have to look it up at your local library, or search engine].

8. Freaky, but in a good way. Your almost like one of those 'Hypercolor' shirts from back in the day. Wait. Did I just show my age with that comment?

9. All I have to say, is that if you find yourself in a 'Blair Witch' situation like that again, just remember to follow the river down, instead of coming back to the 'same log'.

10. Robert Best sent me a message too. Duh. He's the bee's knees. [He actually seems pretty cool].

Anywho, you're funny, and I would be scant of me, to not respond to your post, line item by line item. Few bloggers would receive such attention.

P.S. A third arm can be dead sexy, if accesorized correctly.
 
Oh, and don't feel bad. I don't actually hate Paris' first single either. I loathe her, but when I liked the song when I didn't realize it was her.
 
Big Daddy, you are too nice to me. Your comments are funnier and more articulate than my actual post.
I need to set up that email notification of posts so I don't ignore them for long periods of time.
Um, in short...thanks for reading and commenting :) Coming from a very funny person it is very flattering!
 
FDA, United States Food & Drug Administration
extra cheap phentermine
Looking for acne+medicine? Webdirectory about acne+medicine, and related topics
 
Post a Comment



<< Home

Blogarama - The Blog Directory

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?